Friday, July 14, 2017

The adventures of the imaginary Firehole Ranger

"The imagination of a non-fishing angler is more fertile than a steaming pile of bullshit" ...Cofisher




Being a faithful follower of Unaccomplished Angler, Kirk Werner has it's advantages for someone like me. I have found that I can tag along on the adventures of the Firehole Rangers without getting wet, breaking a rod or being subjected to shabby accommodations or food.  As a matter of fact, despite the whining about the lack of fish caught, I caught more fish and larger fish then I have ever done before. So let me take you along on my adventure as an imaginary Firehole Ranger.

Of course this trip would not have been possible if not for one of the real Rangers inviting me along.  I don't recall his name, so we'll just call him BTS. (Big Tunafish Sandwich)  Thanks BTS!  I don't think Kirk really wanted me along but he finally acquiesced (look it up Kirk) with the suggestion that I bring along lots of cow piss Coors Light for the boys.

The trip to the Firehole was uneventful except my initiation to the club.  I really didn't mind pushing Kirk's van most of the way there, but stopping every mile to chug a Coors was a little unsettling since I knew that drinking Coors of any type would give me the squirts. Enough said about that.

When we arrived at the river, we found perfect conditions; blue skies and moderate temperatures.  Kirk brought along his rowboat and it really felt quite nice to be in charge of bailing as the temperatures did finally soar into the mid 90s.


Little Haircut with one of my fish!
For most of the day we anchored in one place and took turns casting to hungry whitefish.  I was a little put off by another new Ranger though.  I think his name was Little Haircut.  He is from some other country and had the annoying habit of stealing other Ranger's fish, demanding to have his picture taken and then bonking the fish on the head.  Once the picture was taken, he would begin throwing rocks in the water effectively scaring all the fish away.  He repeated this ritual every time someone caught a fish!

Kirk, being a true leader of men finally got Little Haircut to settle down when he stole LH's box of rocks and laid him out with a right hook with his own club.

Things settled down after that with everyone (except Little Haircut, he was still sleeping) catching fish.  Here's a photo of a beauty that Kirk caught.  Sorry for not getting the fish in the picture Kirk, but you've got the pose down perfectly!

Later in day, the weather turned sour so we all adjourned back to the vehicles to decide where we were going to eat.  I was really hungry and would have agreed to about anything.  I think I was a little dehydrated from drinking Coors and then leaving steaming piles of...well you know.  My first lesson of being a Ranger... The Firehole Rangers don't stop to eat while the fishing is good.

In the words of Kirk, "I think I can drag this out into a 3 or 4 part series. Come back for part 2"